Karaoke Kings...

I know Sabahans are known to be pretty good (okay, lemme rephrase that.... pretty enthusiastic... or comfortable... whatever) behind the mike, but I never knew it would be to this extent.

Check out this story from The Star:

Man killed over tussle for karaoke mic
By MUGUNTAN VANAR


SANDAKAN: A 23-year-old man who hogged the microphone at a karaoke outlet here was stabbed to death by irked fellow customers.

Abdul Sani Doli was stabbed by customers of a coffeeshop cum karaoke outlet at Lebuh Tiga here late Wednesday after a fight broke out with other customers following his refusal to give up the microphone as he continued to sing.

Abdul Sani and his assailants had argued over the microphone before it turned into an exchange of blows that spilled over into the street where the three assailants stabbed him.

Abdul Sani staggered a short distance before collapsing on the walkway in front of a machinery shop and died at about 11.55pm on Wednesday.

Sandakan district police chief Asst Comm Rosli Mohd Isa said police have classified the case as murder and two people have been detained to assist in the investigations.

Abdul Sani is believed to have suffered chest wounds. His body was sent to the Duchess of Kent Hospital for a post mortem.

Mat Salleh is....

A warrior?

A rebel?

A terrorist?

Well, if you happen to be in Malaysia from the 20th century onwards, he (or she) is a westerner.

Seriously, I can't make the connection here.

According to the history books, Mat Salleh was any one of the first three (depending on which side of history you read).

All I remember is he definitely had a bone to pick with the British during the late 19th century. (I'm not gonna give you a history lesson so you can go read up about it here and here. Oh, and here too.)

However, I am curious about how we ended up referring to (no offence to all westerners out there) "orang putihs" (literally, white people) using the name of someone who is considered a folk hero of sorts in Sabah. After all, we do have a street named after him so he must be important.

Come to think of it, do Sabahans refer to westerners as "Mat Sallehs" as well?

Hmmm... maybe not as often as referring to them as "orang putihs" but I can be wrong on that.

Anyway, googling around, I found the answer to my question. I'm not sure if it's true but hey, at least it's a good theory.

Apparently, during the colonial times when the people of this region knew very little about the languages of the west, an English-speaking person had called a bunch of partying caucasians "mad sailors" (because most caucasians at that time were, in fact, sailors).

The locals who heard that mispronounced it as "Mat Salleh" and this somehow stuck.

(You can read about the story here. Somebody even posed the question on Yahoo Answer.)

Now let me give it a shot.

Madsailormadsailormadsailormatsailormatsallormatsallermatsalleh......

Maybe they're right.

:-)

(disclaimer - this post is not meant to be offensive to anyone. The picture of the caucasian family is a random one obtained via Google)

Tinggi tinggi Kinabalu...

This is probably familiar to most Sabahans out there.




And now for a different version of this song...




Happy Kaamatan people!

Stupidity...

It's not often that I blog about things just simply because they bug me.

My criteria for posting on this blog has always been this - STICK TO THE THEME! STICK TO THE THEME!

Well, actually I won't be breaking that rule this time... it still does relate to the theme, although it somehow becomes secondary to how stupid some people can be.

My story starts out like this...

I was at The Curve with my girlfriend and her mom and we happened to walk outside to the "park" section (if I may call it that) where SPCA was putting up dogs and cats and bunnies for adoption. I think there were various other pet-related stalls there too.

So there I was minding my own business looking at the furry little animals when this lady, probably in her 40s or so, walked up to me and tried to strike up a conversation.

At first I thought she was just one of the SPCA volunteers who were trying to gauge potential fosterers for the pets there.

The weird, or shall I say stupid, thing was the manner in which she tried to make small talk with me.

Her first question was if I was a student.

I was like "Does it matter what I do when I just wanna come look at some pets?"

Then she said she thought I was a student because I was wearing a cap, which apparently made me look younger. Riiiiight....

She then asked where we lived and whether I kept any pets at home. At this point I already feel uncomfortable with the barrage of questions.

I mean for crying out loud, I just wanted to have a look. If I start asking about the adoption procedures, then it's a different story coz that would mean I'm actually seriously thinking of adopting. But hell no, I haven't even had a good look at the pets!

I said I didn't keep any because I rented a room somewhere and then when she pressed on about where we lived, my girlfriend's mom just told her all three of us lived in different places - I live within the Klang Valley, my girlfriend's mom lives in a different state and my girlfriend works in another country.

Obviously, she wasn't paying much attention because she only latched on to the foreign country bit and started querying if we were foreigners.

It took a while before she got it into that thick head of hers that we were ALL Malaysians.

And then came the pitch - she said she wanted to show me something and proceeded to pass me some WWF brochure.

Now it becomes clear to me. She wasn't an SPCA volunteer. She's with one of those agencies that solicits funds for WWF.

Ok, fair enough, she wanted to see if I'd be interested in making donations to WWF. Why the hell didn't she say so in the first place??? Instead she had to "act" friendly and attempt to make small talk, which she failed miserably because she was extremely fake.

And guess what she asked me after handing me the brochure?

"Have you heard of WWF?"

Goodness, I was thinking to myself "Of course I've heard of WWF lady. What, you think I lived under a rock for the past two decades of my life or something?"

She then started probing to see if I'm already contributing to the fund or something like that.

I made the mistake of telling her that I have a relative who works for WWF and that this relative of mine tells me about their programs all the time.

Again, she asked where this relative of mine was based.

I told her that my relative was based in KK, and she gave me a look and said, "Oh... KK... that's so far..."

Annoyed that I already was, I disagreed and said KK's not that very far because I'm from there.

Whatever that came out of her mouth next really justifies why I set up this blog in the first place.
First, she was like "Oh... you're from KK, no wonder you look a bit different. People from there look different than people from here. Here people look very city-like. There, the people look like.. like..."

As she struggled to find her words, I said sarcastically... "like we're from the jungle right?"

And guess what, she agreed with me.

"Ya, people from Sarawak, you all look different... that's why... and you guys like to wear caps... more sporty..."

I was thinking to myself: "WTF, man? Which rock did YOU just crawled out from? Punyalah main bodoh kau..."

First, she couldn't even get the state right. I mean it's forgiveable if you mistake which state I'm from if I say I'm from Ranau or Sandakan or Tamparuli, but hello? KK? Kota Kinabalu? That's a capital you know?

Penang has its Georgetown, Perak has its Ipoh, Kedah has its Alor Star, Pahang has its Kuantan, Kelantan has its Kota Baru, etc....

Then, she had to go on and on about my cap. I was having a bad hair day... so sue me. I think people on THIS side of the country wear caps too, just like people from the OTHER side of the country where I'm from...

Finally, I decided I really couldn't take it anymore and just told her: "If you don't mind, I'd like to have a look at the animals now."

Gila eh.... I think this was just like the scenario in a documentary I saw that claimed Christianity was a sham. Before you start declaring that I'm the son of satan for even uttering Christianity and sham in the same sentence, don't get me wrong, I'm a Christian myself. I just like to keep an open mind.

Anyway, the guy in the documentary was pointing out how the age of the world was different scientifically as compared to the Bible and asked to explain the existence of dinosaur fossils.

One staunch Christian replied: "God put them there to test our faith."

The guy's reply? "I think God put you (the staunch Christian) here to test MY faith."

In my case, I seriously think God put that woman there to test mine.

Oh, and would you believe just about five minutes later she approached my girlfriend's mom again without realising she had already spoken to her?

Go figure...

Spotlight's on us!

Hey, guess what?

All eyes are on us again...

If all the speculations about the impending jumps are true, then I can see it now in the front pages of the newspapers...

SABAHANS JUMP!

*ribbit*

*ribbit*

Only in name....

The Malaysian Bar.

National Union of Bank Employees (NUBE).

National Union of Journalists (NUJ).

What do these three bodies have in common?

They are but a few examples of how the words "national" and "Malaysian" are misused in this day and age.

Why?

Well, all three of these organisations do not represent the people from their respective professions at a national level.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but the Malaysian Bar only represents lawyers practising in Peninsular Malaysia.

NUBE even states it very clearly on its website that it's a "national union representing workers in the banking and financial institutions in Peninsular Malaysia."

As for NUJ, it only has branches in Utusan Melayu (M) Bhd, Berita Harian Sdn Bhd, New Straits Times Press, The Sun Media Corporation, Star Publications, Nanyang Siang Pau, Sin Chew Jit Poh and Kwong Wah Yit Poh, all of which are peninsula-based.

For such big organisations, you'd think they'd come up with names that properly represents who and what they really represent.

Unfortunately, they must have overlooked this little detail, or rather, perhaps they overlooked entirely the East Malaysian states of Sabah and Sarawak once again.

After all, to this very day, there are people who still think Malaysia = Semenanjung Malaysia only and Sabahans and Sarawakians are "foreigners."

Heck, I remember one guy I met in the course of my work who referred to "an Indonesian, a Sarawakian, and a Peninsular Malaysian" as "orang Indon, orang Sarawak dan orang Malaysia."

Go figure.

Sabah is moving up!

Pesat membangun sudah negeri kita tau...

Why?

Because after years and years of encountering blackouts without batting an eye, we finally made it to the national news this time.

Of course, I gotta admit a state-wide blackout is quite major.

I remember we used to have candles and flashlights on hand all the time back home because you never know when a blackout just might hit.

Heck, when there was a massive blackout throughout the peninsula in the 90s (it hit the front pages of the national dailies), I remember asking: "Why the heck are they so worked up about? It's just a blackout, get over it!"

And hey, since we Sabahans (or at least those of us back home) are so worked up over it as well this time, guess that puts us on par with our peers in West Malaysia.

Pesat membangun sudah Sabah...

Jumper

No, I'm not talking about this movie...

I'm not talking about the song by this band either...

It actually has a little something more to do with this little fella...

It's been nearly a month since the 2008 Malaysian general election and yet, people are still talking about it.

Hey, what is there to NOT talk about? Barisan Nasional suffered it's biggest defeat and actually lost Penang, Perak, Selangor AND Kedah in addition to Kelantan.

And word is the political tsunami might not be over... people are talking about a second wave... and guess where the attention is focused upon?

East Malaysia! Or more specifically, Sabah!

Thanks to the infamous Kataks of 1994 (when PBS won 25 seats and formed the state government in Sabah only to have it crumble because 21 of its assemblymen defected to Barisan), now the Land Below The Wind is seen as the Land of the Kataks instead.

Despite it being 14 years ago, it is still fresh on everyone's mind. Heck, a colleague of mine immediately pinpointed Sabah when talking about possible defections to the "opposition" PKR-DAP-PAS pakatan rakyat (People's Pact) to topple the Barisan government.

And no matter how much assurances the Sabahan leaders give regarding their MPs' and assemblymen's unending loyalty, the still-ruling coalition (or at least its leaders) still seem a bit paranoid that the frogs might be in hiding.

Sabahan leaders right now are either being defensive because all eyes are on them to see if they jump under the circumstances OR actually agree with the notion that the Sabahan elected reps could jump ship anytime based on the past infamous defection.

Then we have the proposals from their peers in the peninsula to pass an anti-hopping law to prevent such defections.

A bit of irony here, as pointed out by various parties, as it was the Barisan Nasional that disagreed with such a law in the first place when PBS proposed it during the latters' time as an "opposition party."

And now, the Prime Minister himself wants to meet the Sabahan elected reps (and the Sarawakian ones too) to discuss how they could play a bigger role at the Federal level.

Let's see... I'm not an expert when it comes to political issues but shouldn't the Prime Minister have thought about that before he announced his Cabinet lineup, which didn't seem to have much changes in terms of representations from the East Malaysian states.

Think about it, it's like having a team of athletes from the entire country take part in a sporting event but sadly, many of them from the peninsula lost.

Yet when it was time to acknowledge the athletes, the ones who seemed to have brought back the most medals weren't given due recognition.

And then a couple of weeks later, the man at the top finally decides to ask the neglected winners what could be done for them.

Do you think the neglected winners will feel very grateful now with the sudden attention?

The next few weeks should be interesting. We'll get to see if there really are still any frogs in Sabah (and maybe Sarawak too).

You never know which coconut shell they might be hiding under.

You never know who the katak might be. At least I don't.

note to self: stop writing about politics...

In search of halia...

I know... I know... it's been... A LOOOOOOONG WHILE since I last posted.

Was SO tied up with work for the past couple of months that I had no more energy left to erm... entertain you guys. (I SO perasan kan... as if lah I have that many readers...)

Okay, okay, let me just tell you guys a story about this Sabahan friend of mine, who went to Giant in search of ginger. I couldn't stop laughing when she told us this story so let's hope I can tell this story online equally well.

Here goes....

My friend, let's call her Miss A, she went to a Giant hypermarket somewhere in the Klang Valley one day in search of ginger.

She searched and searched and search, but couldn't find the damn things.

Finally, Miss A went up to one of the employees at the hypermarket for assistance.

She asked (in her undisguised Sabahan accent): "Excuse me kak, mana halia?"

(For the uninformed, halia is the Malay word for ginger).

The lady employee, without batting an eye, replied in a Semenanjung accent: "Ah? Oh die tak kerje la hari ni." (Ah? Oh she's not working today).

I think my friend didn't know whether to laugh or cry at that moment.

If you think about it, it IS kinda funny how the Giant employee mistook "halia" for her colleague's name... Aliya maybe?

Heheh... the things we Sabahans go through in the peninsula... :-)

Same Words... Different Meanings (Update)

I did a little asking around with some of my Peninsula friends and a Sarawakian colleague.

One friend from Johor said "pantat" also means buttocks there. But then again, another friend from Johor said she always understood it to mean a woman's genitalia.

A Kelantanese friend said in that state, pantat also refers to the "bottom", not of a person, but of a wok or a pot.

Another friend from Selangor said that was so up north but around KL, it really does refer to a woman's poom poom.

My Sarawakian friend confirmed it means intercourse there.

As for the word "kelmarin", my Kelantanese friend pointed out that it also means "yesterday" up north, and that "semalam" is more specific in that it refers to "last night."

That means the "day before yesterday" definition only applies in the central region of the peninsula, and maybe the south too.

:-)

Distance... and how a Sabahan conveys it...

Sabahans have a unique way of letting people know just how near or far something or some place is.

Just listen to how they pronounce the words "sini" (here) or "sana" (there).

Here's a rough guide:

1. When a Sabahan simply says "sini", it means whatever he's referring to is quite near where he's at. (close by)

2. When he says "siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiini", it means he's either standing directly on top of it or pointing right at it. (extremely close by)

3. When he says "sana", it means it's quite a distance from where he's at. (further away)

4. But when he says "saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaana", be prepared to go a long way. (far, like reaaaaaaaaaaaaaally far).

Now, I only wonder who coined the expression "saaaaaana Ranau (a small town on the foothills of Mount Kinabalu)."

It's kind of a sarcastic come-back to people who ask you something you don't feel like answering (or when you just feel like annoying that person).

Something like this:

Q: Mana kau beli ni baju? (Where'd you get this outfit?)

A: Saaaaaaaaaaaaaana Ranau.

:-)

Gong Xi Fa Cai everybody!

Same words, different meanings....

I remember this was one of the first things a friend of mine pointed out when he came back to KK for holiday from studying in KL.

Be careful with the phrases that we love to use back home whenever we're in KL.

He told us the story about his good friend who was, one fine day, chatting with another friend of theirs.

"Good friend" thought that whatever "another friend" had said was outrageous.

Like how he (and many others back home) like to react, he just yelled out "Pantat kau lah!"

(Literally translated, at least to Sabahans, that means "Your butt lah.")

As soon as he had blurted that out, a friend of his from the peninsula quickly asked him to pipe down.

Whispering to him, the "peninsula friend" said: "Shhh... do you know what pantat means?"

"Good friend" obviously answered that it referred to the rear end.

However, "peninsula friend" said that was not the case, at least not in Peninsular Malaysia.

Apparently, "pantat" means another "end" for people West of the South China Sea.

It means a woman's, err... you know... Ummm.... (to quote Russell Peters) Her "poom poom."

Another friend of mine whom I think studied in Kuching or something had this to say about the same word.

Apparently, "pantat" means "to have sexual intercourse" in Sarawak.

I don't know how accurate these are but hey, that's what my friends told me.

That is one reason why I make a conscious effort NOT to ever use the phrase "pantat kau lah" anywhere outside of Sabah.

You never know how it might be interpreted in other parts of the country.

Another word I found that had a different meaning here in Peninsular Malaysia is "kelmarin."

It means "the day before yesterday" over here as opposed to "yesterday" back home in Sabah.

For "yesterday", the accepted word here in the peninsula is "semalam."

As far as I know, both "semalam" and "kelmarin" both mean the same thing back home.

I don't know about Sarawak though.

If you've read this far, then chances are I made the right choice leading off today's post with "pantat."

Had I started off with "kelmarin", I probably would have lost your interest by the fourth line.

Heheh... clever of me huh?

Fact or Myth: Sabahans are generally a corrupt lot.

So what do you think?

Is it true? Are Sabahans really that corrupt? Can Sabahans be bought that easily?

Okay, maybe the more appropriate question is this - Are Sabahans more corrupt than the average Malaysian?

Let's face it, which one of us haven't heard of people being given money to vote for a particular party during the elections?

Which one of us Sabahans haven't heard of that?

I wish there was a way that I could say that this was all a myth, an urban (and rural) legend, but judging from my own experience and from what I hear, it seems that it is a fact.

Sabahans do seem to be bought all the time. Sometimes they even ask to be bought, which makes things even worse.

I remember when I was back home for the 2004 general election. The elections had just concluded and this particular personality was voted into Parliament.

Well, during an event that I attended with a colleague of mine, this new YB's personal assistant stretched out her hand to shake mine, so I obliged.

Then, at the very last second, I realised there was a RM50 note in her palm (a thank you gesture on behalf of her boss perhaps?), so I quickly brushed her hand away.

Guess what was her reaction?

Thinking that I was from the peninsula, she said: "Kau dari KL bah kan? Ini biasa ni di sini. Ambil saja lah."

At that moment in time, I felt sticking my head into the ground. I felt ashamed because people like this had created a stereotype for "outsiders" to label Sabahans.

For those of you who follow the news, you'll also remember that our Tan Sri Kasitah Gaddam became the first (or one of the first) serving federal minister to be charged with corruption just before the 2004 general election.

Around the same time, Datuk Wasli Said was also charged.

The timing couldn't be better, right?

It was just months after Pak Lah had pledged to the people when he took office as Prime Minister that he would eradicate corruption.

Who better to use to set an example than a couple of Sabahans.

With the general election reportedly just around the corner, chances are a lot of Sabahans would probably be put in a situation where they should ask themselves this - Am I that cheap? Do I wanna vote this person to Parliament or the State Assembly because he (or his people) paid me to?

Or am I voting for him because I think he can do work for the people?

Well, I did say "should ask themselves." Whether they do or not when the object of temptation is set before them is another matter altogether.